So-Called Chaos

 

Eight Easy Steps - Out Is Through - Excuses - Doth I Protest Too Much -

Knees of My Bees - So-Called Chaos - Not All Me - This Grudge

Spineless - Everything

 

1. Eight Easy Steps

 

How to stay paralyzed by fear of abandonment

How to defer to men in solve-able predicaments

How to control someone to be a carbon copy of you

How to have that not work and have them run away from you

 

How to keep people at arm's length and never get too close

How to mistrust the ones you supposedly love the most

How to pretend you're fine and don't need help from anyone

How to feel worthless unless you're serving or helping someone

 

I'll teach you all this in 8 easy steps

A course of a lifetime, you'll never forget

I'll show you how to in 8 easy steps

I'll show you how leadership looks when taught by the best

 

How to hate women when you're supposed to be a feminist

How to play all pious when you're really a hypocrite

How to hate God when you're a pray-er and a spiritualist

How to sabotage your fantasies by fears of success

 

I'll teach you all this in 8 easy steps

A course of a lifetime, you'll never forget

I'll show you how to in 8 easy steps

I'll show you how leadership looks when taught by the best

 

I've been doing research for years

I've been practicing my ass off

I've been trading my whole life for this moment (I swear to you)

Culminating just to be this well-versed leader before you

 

I'll teach you all this in 8 easy steps

A course of a lifetime, you'll never forget

I'll show you how to in 8 easy steps

I'll show you how leadership looks when taught by the best

 

How to lie to yourself and thereby to everyone else

How to keep smiling when you're thinking of killing yourself

How to numb a la holic to avoid going within

How to stay stuck in blue by blaming them for everything

 

I'll teach you all this in 8 easy steps

A course of a lifetime, you'll never forget

I'll show you how to in 8 easy steps

I'll show you how leadership looks when taught by the best

 

I'll teach you all this in 8 easy steps

A course of a lifetime, you'll never forget

I'll show you how to in 8 easy steps

I'll show you how leadership looks when taught by the best

 

2. Out Is Through

Every time you raise your voice I see the greener grass

Every time you run for cover I see this pasture

Every time we're in a funk I picture a different choice

Anytime we're in a rut, this distant grandeur

 

My tendency to want to do away feels natural and

My urgency to dream of softer places feels understandable but I know

 

The only way out is through

The faster we're in the better

The only way out is through ultimately

The only way out is through

The only way we'll feel better

The only way out is through ultimately

 

Every time that I'm confused I think there must be easier ways

Every time our horns are locked I'm towel throwing

Every time we're at a loss, we've bolted from difficulty

Anytime we're in stalemate, a final bowing

 

My tendency to want to hide away feels easier and

The immediacy of picturing another place, comforting to go but I know

 

The only way out is through

The faster we're in the better

The only way out is through ultimately

The only way out is through

The only way we'll feel better

The only way out is through ultimately

 

We could just walk away and hide our heads in the sand

We could just call it quits only to start all over again with somebody else

 

Every time we're stuck in struggle I'm down for the count that day

Every time I dream of quick fix i'm assuaged

Now i know it's hard when it's through and i'm damned if I don't,

No quick fix way

What formerly was treatment silent's now outdated

 

My tendency to want to run feels unnatural now

The urgency to want to give to you what I want most feels good and I know

 

The only way out is through

The faster we're in the better

The only way out is through ultimately

The only way out is through

The only way we'll feel better

The only way out is through ultimately

 

The only way out is through

The faster we're in the better

The only way out is through ultimately

The only way out is through

The only way we'll get better

The only way out is through ultimately

 

3. Excuses

 

Why no one will help me I am too dumb I'm too smart

They'll not understand me I am lonely they'll hate me

 

There is not enough time it's too hard to help me

God wants me to work no resting no lazy

 

These excuses how they served me so well

They've kept me safe they've kept me stuck

They kept've me locked in my own cell

 

I'm too far from home it takes far too much energy

I cannot afford to, no one will ever see me

 

These excuses how they served me so well

They've kept me safe they've kept me stuck

They kept've me locked in my own cell

 These excuses how they're so familiar

They've kept me blocked they've kept me small

They've kept me safe inside my shell

 

Bringing these into the light shakes their foundation and it clears my sight

Now my imagination is the only thing that limits the bar and it's rise to the heights

 

No one can have it all see I have to, they want me to and

I can't let them down I will never be happy

 

These excuses how they served me so well

They've kept me safe they've kept me stuck

They kept've me locked in my own cell

 These excuses how they're so familiar

They've kept me blocked they've kept me small

They've kept me safe inside my shell

 

4. Doth I Protest Too Much

I'm not threatened by every pair of legs you watch go by

I don't cringe when you stare at women it's just a thing called guy

I don't notice your sideways glances or where your loyalty lies

I'm secure and out of me it's hard to get a rise

 

I'm not jealous

I don't get moved by much

I'm not enraged

Not insecure as such

Not going insane

Rational stays in touch

And doth I protest too much?

 

I'm not tortured by how oft you're busycuz I've got things to do

I'm not disappointed about how you don't miss me cuz I don't need you to

 

I'm not needy

I don't get clingy much

I am not scared

I'm not afraid as such

I'm not dependent

Rock solid stays in touch

And doth i protest too much?

 

So much energy to prove to you who I can't possibly be

So much energy to prove to you I'm not who you hate for me to be

 

I'm not saddened and I don't miss you cuz I have moved on too

I'm not concerned about your new lover cuz I have a new lover too

 

I'm not depressed

I don't get down that much

I'm not despondent

I am not dark as such

I'm never sad

Keep chin up stays in touch

And doth I protest too much?

 

I'm not jealous

I don't get moved by much

I'm not enraged

Not insecure as such

Not going insane

Rational stays in touch

And doth I protest too much?

 

5. Knees of My Bees

 

We share a culture, same vernacular

Love of physical humor and time spent alone

You with your penchant for spontaneous events

For sticky unrests be unearthed and then gone

 

You are a gift renaissance with a wink

With tendencies for conversations that raise bars

You are a sage who is fueled by compassion comes to

Nooks and crannies as balm for all scars

 

You make the knees of my bees weak

Tremble and buckle

You make the knees of my bees weak

 

You are a spirit that knows of no limit

That knows of no ceiling, who balks at dead ends

You are a wordsmith who cares for his brothers

Not seduced by illusion of fair weather friends

 

You make the knees of my bees weak

Tremble and buckle

You make the knees of my bees weak

 

You are a vision who lives by the signals of stomach and intuition as your guide

You are a sliver of God on a platter who walks what he talks

And who cops when he’s lied

 

You make the knees of my bees weak

Tremble and buckle

You make the knees of my bees weak

 

You make the knees of my bees weak

Tremble and buckle

You make the knees of my bees weak

 

6. So-Called Chaos

 

Deadlines and meetings and contracts all breached

D-days and structure, responsibility 

Have-to's and need-to's and get-to's by three

Eleventh hours and upset employees

 

I wanna be naked running through the streets

I want to invite this so-called chaos that you think I dare not be

I wanna be weightless flying through the air

I wanna drop all these limitations but the shoes upon my feet, oh

 

Heartburn and headaches and soon-to-be ulcers

Compulsive yearnings non-stop to please others

 

I wanna be naked running through the streets

I want to invite this so-called chaos that you think I dare not be

I wanna be weightless flying through the air

I wanna drop all these limitations but the shoes upon my feet, oh

 

All won't be lost if I'm governed by my own innate-ness

The stoplights won't work, I'll get home sound and safe regardless

Won't be mayhem if I'm ruled by my own rule-lessness

My fire won't quell and I'll be harm-free and distress-less (trust me)

 

Line-towing and helping, expectations-up-to living

Inside-box-obeying, inside-line-coloring

 

I wanna be naked running through the streets

I want to invite this so-called chaos that you think I dare not be

I wanna be weightless flying through the air

I wanna drop all these limitations but the shoes upon my feet

 

I wanna be naked running through the streets

I want to invite this so-called chaos that you think I dare not be

I wanna be weightless flying through the air

I wanna drop all these limitations and return to who i was meant to be, oh

 

7. Not All Me

I wear their face on top of my face

I am the perfect target screen for your blindly-fueled rage

 

I bear the brunt of your long-buried pain

I don't mind helping you out but I want you to remember my name

 

It's not all me

It's not all my fault

I may remind you

But I won't take it all on

 

Past-riddled rage I see the buttons I engage

With my dignity in place I'm all too happy to assuage

 

It's not all me

It's not all my fault

I may remind you

But I won't take it all on

 

Lest I find my voice find the strength to stand up to you

Lest I state my limit and take on only what is mine to

 

We are a team I'm here to help mend and re-seam

All I trigger unknowingly a job I hold in high esteem

 

It's not all me

It's not all my fault

I may remind you

But I won't take it all on

 

It's not all me

It's not all my fault

I may remind you

But I won't take it all on

I'll only take some of it

 

8. This Grudge

 

14 years 30 minutes 15 seconds I've held this grudge

11 songs 4 full journals, thoughts of punishment I've expended

 

Not in contact not a letter such communication telepathic

You've been vilified, used as fodder, you deserve a piece of every record

 

But who's it hurting now?

Who's the one that's stuck?

Who's it torturing now, with an antique knot in her stomach

 

I wanna be big and let go of this grudge that's grown old

All this time I've not known how to rest this bygone

I want to be soft and resolved clean of slate and released

I wanna forgive for the both of us

 

Like an abandoned house dusty-covered furniture still intact

If I visit it now, do I simply re-live it somehow, gratuitous

 

But who's still aching now?

Who's tired of her own voice?

Who's it weighing down with no gift from time of said healing

 

I wanna be big and let go of this grudge that's grown old

All this time I've not known how to rest this bygone

I want to be soft and resolved clean of slate and released

I wanna forgive for the both of us

 

Maybe as I cut the cord veils will lift from my eyes

Maybe as I lay this to rest dead weight off my shoulders will rise

 

Here I sit, much determined ever ill-equipped to draw this curtain

How this has entertained, validated and has served me greatly ever the victim

 

But who's done whining now?

Who's ready to put down?

This load i've carried longer than i had cared to remember

 

I wanna be big and let go of this grudge that's grown old

For the life of me I've not known how to rest this bygone

I want to be soft and resolved clean of slate and released

I wanna forgive for the both of us

 

I wanna be big and let go of this grudge that's grown old

For the life of me I've not known how to rest this bygone

I want to be soft and resolved clean of slate and released

I wanna forgive for the both of us

 

9. Spineless

I won't see my dear friends as much

Male friends especially I'll no longer be in touch

I'll change my hobbies to match yours

 

I'll stop reading my favorite books

I won't spend all this selfish time alone

I'll cater to you and hang on your every word

 

I'll be subservient and spineless

I'll lick your boots as empty shell

I'll be opinion-less and silent

I'll be the prettiest appendage to ever lose herself

 

I'll redefine self-sacrifice

Live my life as apologetic compromise

I know you'd leave if I rocked the boat

 

I'll be subservient and spineless

I'll lick your boots as empty shell

I'll be opinion-less and silent

I'll be the prettiest appendage to ever lose herself

 

I feel this, truly proclaimed, will help the curbing of this tendency

I know this sharing of shame will ensure that I won't forget myself so easily

 

I'll be low maintenance and agreeable

I will not talk about my dreams so much

I'll listen to you for hours, won't need anything

 

I'll be subservient and spineless

I'll lick your boots as empty shell

I'll be opinion-less and silent

I'll be the prettiest appendage to ever lose herself

 

I'll be subservient and spineless

I'll lick your boots as empty shell

I'll be opinion-less and silent

I'll be the prettiest appendage to ever lose herself

 

I feel this, truly proclaimed, will help the curbing of this tendency

I know this sharing of shame will ensure that I won't forget myself

 

I feel this, truly proclaimed, will help the curbing of this tendency

I know this sharing of shame will ensure that I won't forget myself so easily

 

10. Everything

I can be an asshole/ a nightmare of the grandest kind

I can withhold like it's going out of style

I can be the moodiest baby and you've never met anyone

Who is as negative as I am sometimes

 

I am the wisest woman you've ever met

I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected

I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen and you've never met anyone

Who is as positive as I am sometimes

 

You see everything you see every part

You see all my light and you love my dark

You dig everything of which I'm ashamed

There's not anything to which you can't relate

And you're still here

 

I blame everyone else not my own partaking

My passive agressive-ness can be devistating

I'm terrified and mistrusting and you've never met anyone

Who is as closed down as I am sometimes

 

You see everything you see every part

You see all my light and you love my dark

You dig everything of which I'm ashamed

There's not anything to which you can't relate

And you're still here

 

What I resist persists and speaks louder than i know

What I resist you love no matter how low or high i go

 

I'm the funniest woman that you've ever known

I'm the dullest woman that you've ever known

I'm the most gorgeous woman that you've ever known

And you've never met anyone

Who is as everything as I am sometimes

 

You see everything you see every part

You see all my light and you love my dark

You dig everything of which I'm ashamed

There's not anything to which you can't relate

And you're still here

And you're still here

And you're still here